At the start of this year, I was full of good cheer
I was leading a walk to Linlithgow.
I was way impressed by the way they were dressed
You’d have thought they were going to a disco.

The weather was dirty, and no very clean
All raring to go, all very dead keen.
A hardy bunch, its got to be said
Where some people wi sense, would have stayed in their bed.

It was coffee & tea, the first stop you see
This being the practice and custom.
They get half an hour, which is plenty for me
Before the walk started I’d loast them.

Let me tell you about, these walkers devout
People who are full of contentment.
There’s always a smile, for every long mile
And never a note of resentment.

‘Big Tam’ and ‘Bob Cameron’, away at the back
It’s great to listen to their banter and crack.
They tell their wee tales, they tell their wee stories
They sing a wee song, and they think they’re the Carries!

There’s Emma and Betty, who are full of the giggles.
Gie wan a shake, the other wan wiggles.

John and Margo a couple serene.
A more up standing pair, that you’ve never seen.

Now there’s Douglas and Margaret, a pair so refined.
Can only be described as a pair, so in kind.

Here is the biz, about Christine and Liz
Nice people there’s no doubt about it.
Buy them a drink, they immediately think
We’ve suckered the guy, and I like it.

There’s Marion and Elsa, an ‘awfy nice wee wummin’
Her only trouble, she canny stoap bummin’.
She’d talk for a week, or maybe it’s years
Efter a whi/e, it gets sare on your ears.

Jenny and Jo take holidays plus.
They must have a bank book the size of a bus.

Now here is my version of big John McPherson
He will walk 20 miles without a stoap
Ye try to keep up, ye hivnae a hope
Till somebody says "John it’s an awfy long trek
Ur ye no gonny stoap an gie us a brek"?

Now that’s not them all, the task is too tall
To tell you about all my walkers
I try my best to fulfill their requests
Some times it would drive you bonkers.

Beecraigs Country Park was the venue
With Venison and rainbow on the menu
The first thing here, is our native deer
You seldom see them, so close and so near.
The poor beasts were lying in a field of mud
With nothing to do but chewing the cud.
They looked at us with a longing for freedom
Does the farmer who farms them really need them?

We wondered on down by the lochside
This is where the badger hide
They are very shy creatures during the day
It’s only at night they come out to play.

Then down to the fish farm
Where the rainbow live
To see them with their freedom
What would I give?

So we ambled on with such ease and leisure
To walk with this group was really a pleasure
Then all of a sudden, I got an awfy fright
Emma and Betty they wirnae in sight.
I searched and I searched and I blew ma whustle
Till I got some advice fae Morag Russell
Morag said "Mike, gie up the ghost
You’ll have to accept the pair o’ them are loast".

On down through the woods with time to kill
And soon we arrived at Cockleroy Hill
Now I said to the group, "it’s no very high"
Some of them thought it was reaching the sky.

On we climbed, ad the wind was howling
The look on some faces, were nothing but scowling
I heard someone say "och it’s no too bad"!
I heard others say "we must be mad"!
0n the way back down I had this hunch
It’s high time I gave this group their lunch.

We made our way back to the Country Park Centre
I heard Elsa say, "he’s just a tormentor"
I said, "EIsa, try not to spoil it
I’ll get you there soon, first in the queue for the toilet".

We made our way down, to Linlithgow Town
The walk was nearing it’s ending
I thanked them all kindly for coming along
The sound of relief was heart rending.

I said to the Group, "now what do you think"?
Up piped Big Tam "we’re gaun fur a drink"
So off we went to the Winners & Losers
0f course you all know, that’s slang for the boozers.

It was back to the bus, without any fuss
It must have been a goad’s blissin’
Sitting there, ‘the wandering pair’
The two on the walk that went missin’

Were on our way home, now I must conclude
I do beg your pardon if I have been rude
So I say to you all, my happy wanderers
"It’s been my pleasure to lead
The MONKLANDS RAMBLERS".